I’m standing in my closet staring at everything I own. I’m experiencing the same futile hope I get when looking into the refrigerator hoping a meal will spring out of it. I’ve been here in my underwear for at least five minutes just staring at the different fabrics and silhouettes. I huff. My husband gingerly enters the closet hoping to get us out of the house on time to meet his coworkers. “You look beautiful in anything sweet heart,” he says. He is super well-trained, FYI. “You have to say that,” I retort. Undeterred, he pulls out a top he knows I love and says hopefully, “What about this?” What he doesn’t know is since gaining about 15 pounds of middle age spread, I only have one pair of pants I can wear with it, and they’re dirty. I tell him the reason I’m not wearing that, and he realizes we’re about to go down the rabbit hole.
“What about this skirt?”
“No shoes work with that skirt.”
“These are good…”
“I’ll look like a streetwalker in those!”
“Why do you have streetwalker shoes?”
“Because they are not streetwalker shoes with pants. They are with skirts.”
“You can’t wear heels and skirts?”
“Not those heels with that skirt. Not at my age.”
And there we have it. I’m not mad at my husband. I’m not lacking in nice things to wear. I’m mourning the loss of youth, taut forearms, no side boob, and a smooth profile that didn’t need Spanks. I used to know how to dress for my body type. Now, I go to the standbys that always worked, look in the dressing room mirror, and wonder when my mom got here. Then, I realize that that ten pounds of sass shoved in a five-pound sack is me. It’s okay for older ladies to have a maternal span of hip, a huggable flap of “chicken wing” under arm, and breasts that look better when under an apron that smells like cookie dough. It’s what makes grandmas like my mom awesome. I’m just not ready to go quietly into that stage of my life, despite the fact that I have recently become a Mimi (just can’t call myself grandma; sorry).
Go ahead; remind me to embrace all the wonderful things about being in my forties. I do love the perspective I have now, the ability to say no without guilt, and the wisdom I have gleaned from years in the workplace and in church with amazing women and mentors. The latest mental hurdle is to love the body God gave me, and extend to myself the grace to accept aging and all that comes with it. The last thing I wanted to be was a “classic” beauty…in the same way an Edsel is a “classic” car.
God’s amazing design for our lives is that we need Him in different ways at different ages. The things we need to release to Him will change as we grow; the perspective will shift towards things that matter to Him. What does not change is God’s grace that is new every morning, and that my Lord cares exceedingly for me and my self-worth. I know the scriptures about how a woman is to conduct herself, that clothes and adornments are not the most important aspect of true beauty, and the great cost at which Christ redeemed this body. Yet, I can’t help a little wistful remembrance of the way I looked when I was athletic and lithe. As long as it remains wistful, and does not rob me of joy or bring shame into my life, it can spur me to take better care of the only body I will ever have; that I might serve the Lord in greater capacity with all this wonderful perspective that age has bestowed on me. Because our Father loves us so, he gives us good gifts with which to attain the heights He has called us to. The fruit of the Holy Spirit, which has blessed me with peace for self-image, kindness to encourage others and myself, and self-control, for when there are donuts in the breakroom.
Romans 5:1-2 in The Message says, “By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.”
And I will stand tall in the promises given me at so great a price…just not in those shoes with that skirt.
Gather Her || 11.17.16
Fashion + Faith + Friends
..whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
Enjoy an evening with women just like you who want to explore their faith and love all things fashion
6:30 – 8:30 pm
720 O’Connor Dr., Round Rock, TX 78689
FREE for all women!
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At Gather Her, you will:
~ Find refuge in a lovely environment.
~ Create authentic, pure relationships through girl talk time after each message.
~ Hear truth through our monthly guest speakers.
~ Meet women who are real, fun, and authentic who love to laugh during our mix & mingle time!
~ Learn how to take care of yourself as an Ambassador of Christ through our monthly fashion partner.
November Guest Speaker:
CW’s own, Crystal Breaux, Life Purpose Coach.
Crystal will share her story of how the Created Woman pillars was the process she walked through to discover her own life’s purpose. It’s real #GirlTalk
November Fashion Partner:
Kristen Ellis – Independent Stylist, Stella & Dot & SpaSocial/Holiday makeup
Created Woman: Equip & empower women to be who they are created to be inside & out.