It is a well-known assumption (and maybe even a fact) that we live in a “hook up culture.” It is easier than ever to download an app, upload a profile and meet, literally, hundreds of men with a swipe of a finger. The rate of STDs have gone up almost 50% since apps like Tinder and Bumble have been on the scene. So what does this mean for Christian dating? Absolutely nothing. What I am saying is that we as Christian, single women cannot conform to the new dating culture the world is throwing at us. Purity in dating is NON NOGATIABLE, LADIES. If we say we have faith in God, we have to trust what the bible says about courtship. Sex is created for your husband, not your boyfriend. Yes, the Bible says that… I looked.
1 Corinthians 7:2
“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Does staying pure in dating make dating harder? Of course it does. When I was single and dating in my late 20’s, I can’t tell you how many looks I got when I disclosed I was waiting for marriage. This standard will definitely eliminate many in the pool of contenders, but that is a good thing.
For the women out there who are currently sexually active or have not made the decision to stay pure in dating, I want to be very clear, there is no condemnation in Christ, but it’s the Spirit that convicts. Maybe you don’t feel convicted about having sex outside of marriage, and for those who feel this way, I would ask why? Why do you justify having sex with someone who is not your husband? Is it because you are afraid he’ll leave you if you take sex out of the equation? Or maybe its because it’s filling a void of some sort. I would encourage you to take those reasons you come up with to the Lord and see what He says about your reasoning. Measure them up to scripture. Many times you’ll find we want sex for the wrong reasons that end up doing more damage than good. Secondly, if you do feel convicted about impurity, I want to say to you that God’s mercies are new every morning! We can choose to repent of that sin and turn to a path of purity. God is in the business of restoring and making old things new, it is never too late with God. You can make the decision to walk in purity today!
One thing I love coaching on is you don’t always NEED a service or an app to find good quality Christian men. Our friends and family are the best matchmakers and they know us better than we know ourselves sometimes (especially if we’ve been picking the wrong men). So, LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW YOU’RE SINGLE and ask them to set you up. Your best friend’s boss’s son could be a good fit you just have put yourself out there and be PROACTIVE. So ask your loved ones to join you and see how many single men they may know. They are also on your team, and they want to see you in a godly relationship, so they are normally excited and honored if you ask them. Also, volunteering at church is FREE, and while you shouldn’t volunteer with the sole intention of finding a husband, I can tell you I met mine serving in youth group. We were both leaders at camp!
Once you are in a committed relationship you need to set yourself up for success and accountability. Christian dating is different because we date for marriage. We don’t move in together to “see if we can live together” and then decide if we want to marry that person. We date, we pray and we invite others to cover us along the way. One thing my husband and I did was have a mentor couple we met with monthly. We did this when we were just dating, before we got engaged. They kept us accountable on staying pure, they helped navigate us on how to “fight well” and work through our differences, and they covered us in prayer. We still meet with them after being married, and they are a great safe place to take anything that comes up.
Lastly, start praying for your husband now! Invite other women in your life to join you, too. Prayer is so important in the dating process because we are inviting God in it with us. Start making list of the core values and the most important attributes you need in your husband. I have a love hate relationship with lists, because so often we start naming WANTS rather than needs. The first thing on your list does not need to be: Attractive or financially stable. Yes those things are important, but they are not what make a relationship last. Think in terms of a foundation. In order to make a house last through a storm, the house needs a solid foundation. Same goes with your relationship; the foundation needs to have values like: being faith/Christ-centered, loving, wise, self-controlled, etc. His good looks and full head of hair are not going to get you through trials, but his faith and commitment to God will. So, get a GODLY list going and start praying for those foundational values. The Lord wants to give you the gift of a lifelong relationship, we just have to be obedient to His process!