How can marriage, on different days of the week, feel like the best thing in the world and then the worst? I found myself wondering this question recently during one of the worst fights my husband and I have had in quite some time. What started off as annoyance at a pile of laundry turned into a whole can of unopened issues and a 3-day long brawl: nights slept apart, us canceling plans together to avoid being with each other, long car rides of awkward silence, and the feeling in the air of all the emotions we wanted to unleash but were trying to suffocate.
Finally, after 3 days and by an act of complete grace on his part, we were able to have a heart to heart without all the anger and work it out. But, I was still struck at the thoughts that ran through my head during the fight.
"Shouldn't love be easier than this? Shouldn't we be able to understand each other more? After 7 years, shouldn't we have this dance figured out?"
Why do these questions go through my head? What makes me think that there's some place you get to in a marriage where it's all "figured out"? Why should it ever become easy?
So, if you're married and facing anything like this, here's what I had to remind myself in the midst of our bickering.
First, I was reminded that my marriage is a representation of God. The grace, the love, the compassion my husband and I can show each other is a mirror to the world of who God is. So we have to show it!
Second, I can't let my needs and expectations be what drive my love. Sometimes those ideas in my head of "what love is" are my worst enemies.
There's a reason I married the man I did. I love him and he's wonderful. It just may not be as simple as "Happily Ever After" makes it sound. But where's the fun in that?
Matthew 19:4-6, 1 Peter 3,