Little Monster

domo044
I have this sickness. An ugly, little monster that’s perched right on my heart throwing down lightening bolts wherever he deems fit. And every time his little lightening bolts hit, I’m left feeling like I’m not good enough. I’ve always wanted to be the best at everything. And as I’ve gotten older, a whopping 25 years old, I’ve realized how unhealthy that mentality is. Of course, at times, that drive benefited me, motivating me to accomplish things like earning a bachelor’s degree. But a couple years ago, I began to notice the uglier side of it. It became difficult for me to truly be happy for others. When someone else accomplished something, I would think, “I want to be the one accomplishing that.” Or if a friend would lose weight, even if I was already thinner than them to begin with, I would think, “I want to be the one losing weight!”…You get the idea. It tinged a lot of my relationships with unhealthy comparisons. Thankfully, this little disease has diminished as time has gone by. Whatever the reason, the older I get, the more I like myself and the less I compare. I’ve realized that God’s created me just the way He wanted me. My likes and dislikes, my strengths and weaknesses, my sense of humor and talents, they’re mine for a reason. So I’ve let go of trying to change myself to be “more this” or “more that”. Sure, that little monster still tries to throw some bolts, but now I recognize them and remind myself that I’m great just the way I am. So if you have a habit of comparison that colors your relationships with jealousy, it’s time to smoke your little monster out. When you feel a bolt thrown down, remind yourself of who you are in God; remind yourself of your accomplishments; and find great friends who you can speak honestly to and share your struggle with. And remember, you’re wonderful, just the way you are.

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Nichole is an eternally curious, art loving, forever hopeful young woman figuring out life in Austin, Texas with her husband Chris and their beloved dogs. She’s a recent UT graduate starting a new chapter of life. She's also a bit of a songbird who’s able to minister to others through her singing at Shoreline Church.