The Barrier to Living Out Your Purpose: My Story of Control & Confidence

“I can handle it and figure it all out on my own. If I mess up, I do not need anyone to help me. I am strong enough and capable to turn it around and make it right. I know the exact time when things need to be done according to the clock, day, week, month and even year.”


That was the story of my life.

I had a need to be morally perfect and in control, which of course, caused me internal frustration, hopelessness, and missed opportunities for a deeper relationship with God and others.

Can you relate to any of this at all? You see, from the outside, it appeared that I was very confident and to be honest, I thought I was. I was blessed to have amazing parents who built me up and let me know they were proud of me. I was confident, mostly because I only did things that were easy for me and I could control. Are you beginning to see the pattern? This went on until my late 20’s, well let’s say early 30’s to be exact.

I did not realize that my need to be perfect and control things was actually robbing my confidence.

My Confidence Robber #1

As a young girl and woman, I was definitely what you call a “people pleaser” who attempted to look and be perfect in the eyes of others. My confidence came from what people thought of me as a moral, upright person.   

The double whammy came when I failed or sin entered my life; I was too embarrassed to confide in with my family or friends, and even God, so I kept the struggle just for myself.  I knew if I tried really hard that I could fix my issues without the help of anyone, including God. I had to keep my “perfect image” and please others. The lack of confidence I had in what He thought of me kept me from facing shame, fears, and ultimately a peace that only He could provide. The need for perfection was a confidence robber and unrealistic expectation that was not of God. It kept me stuck.

My Confidence Robber #2

After many years of infertility, multiple miscarriages and trying to “fix” things in my marriage on my own, I had to realize there are things I cannot control. For someone who prided herself on being organized, on time, and prepared for any situation, the lack of control and fear of the unknown robbed my confidence and left me feeling hopeless.  

Why did this really matter to my purpose?

I came to realize (with the help of the Lord, of course) this need to be perfect and have control kept me stuck from moving forward because I had allowed my fears and failures to keep me from true intimacy with Christ. I was missing out on knowing what He thought of me and said about me. I did not know my true identity. I had put my identity in the opinion of others and what I could control. Oh yes, I was able to keep it together on the outside and be healthy and fit. But without healthy motives and true peace, I was not healthy on the inside.

As I began drawing closer to God – being still to study His Word and spending time in prayer – a few things became clear that were not fun to face but had to be done.

  • I must surrender my past failures, relationships, control and worry to Him (which is a daily surrender).

  • I can be confident of His love, acceptance and who I am in Christ.

  • Confidence and trust in Him allows me to be vulnerable to others with deep lasting relationships.

  • I am a work in progress. Jesus does not expect perfection so why should I?

What a happy day when I found freedom in who I am in Christ with the realization that perfection was not a requirement! My, now, life verse became so clear to me.

“For He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

By breaking down those roadblocks, I know have a confidence in Christ that gives me peace to seek and walk out God’s purpose for my life. It helped see things clearly and break down the walls to walk freely in the plans and purpose God has for my life. I wanted to seek Him more.

My purpose now is to help women get “fit on the inside” by finding time to grow in confidence in Christ, discover peace and get “fit” on the outside” so they can walk out their unique God given purpose.

What about you? Do you feel stuck sometimes? You may feel a calling or purpose in your life, but there are things the enemy would like for you to hold on to and block God’s work being done in your life. I encourage you today to begin the steps of surrender and break down any barrier that could be keeping you from living the purpose God created you to live.