I Screamed at my Best Friends Last Night: Walking out Kingdom Friendships in a self-centered world

Did my title perk your interest? I wish I could tell you it was only “click-bait” but it’s not. Last night, I got into a screaming match with my best friend in an empty parking lot. Classy, right? The reason I am willing able to admit this high-school drama is because the end result was a beautiful reconciliation filled with forgiveness and selflessness. 

You see, the moment I lost my cool, I found myself releasing lies and assumptions I was believing for months.  They just flowed out. I couldn’t stop the words. Some of them awful and raw, cutting and sharp. Was I actually saying these things? Out loud? I am not one to speak to the people I love like this, but here we are. There are my words, my lies I believed; visible and heard, crystalizing before me. Did she yell back? Did she walk away? Did our friendship end? No, no and no….praise God!

Here is the truth and the hope... the reality. Friendship is hard! It takes two different people, with two different personalities, bringing two different sets of expectation to the table we call “Relationship.” For some when conflict comes up, it’s easiest to end a friendship rather than hash things out. What are we called to do in Godly, kingdom, sisterhoods? For me, it was letting it all out in a parking lot (*FACE PALM*). 

 So often, when things get hard among friends, we make up justificationsto why our friendship is strained. Next, we take those justifications, be it lies, assumptions, or truth, and hold them close and use them as our arsenal to destroy the friendship. This is exactly what the enemy wants: built up frustrations and offensives to turn around and destroy relationships. Here is the thing… what if God wants us to take our offensives to Him, then present them to our friends in hopes of STRENTHING our friendships? I 100% believe he does want this! To start, it takes two humble hearts.

Are you a “Humble Heart” friend? Can you honestly look at a hurting friend in the eyes and let her pour out offensives and frustrations? Can you see past your own arguments and defensives and look to reconciliation by means of evading your own pride? Listen, I am not there yet, but I know it can be done...because it was done to me … in an empty parking lot.  Once I was extended grace (even though I didn’t deserve it), it permitted me to see where I was wrong. The grace given to me opened a space of freedom for BOTH of us. This was a beautiful display of a Kingdom friendship, a sisterhood. 

Today, I want to spur you on to be a Humble Heart Friend. All friendships come with conflict and disagreements. They come with letdowns and disappointments. If we allow a humble heart to take place in the mist of conflict, we can move towards reconciliation and ultimately, a stronger friendship. 

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.  Ephesians 4:2

Deanna Opheim


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