The Overwhelming Fear I Thought Would Never End

 It was 11 years ago, when I feared my life would be changed forever. Without warning I went into Preeclampsia nine weeks early with the pregnancy of my son, Zach. The only cure for Preeclampsia is to deliver, so Zach was born at just 3lbs. Miraculously, there were minimal complications that resolved within a six week stay in the NICU.  

However, according to doctors, I was the medical mystery. After delivery, my blood pressure continued to rise to dangerous levels, with swelling of the brain and a loss of balance and slurred speech.  I remained in Nero ICU for days until doctors were able to regulate my blood pressure with oral medication. I was released with the hope that my blood pressure and speech would returned to normal, and I would regain the ability to walk without assistance.   

For the next six weeks, I was overwhelmed with  fear that it would never end and I would never be the same again.  Would I be the fun mom to my 4 year old daughter; able to function without needing someone with me 24/7? Able to walk and care for a new baby? What would it mean if I was never healed?

For the next few weeks, I laid in bed all day to avoid elevating my blood pressure. I was told by doctors that  healing would begin once I reached a healthy range, so I became obsessed with checking it all day. My continuous prayer was to wake up and be completely healed, but progress inched along, my blood pressure dropping one painfully slow point at a time.  It was progress, but I wanted the magic to happen overnight.  

It was during my fear one night that I cried out to one of my dearest friends, Hilary.  It was her words I will never forget.  

She said, "Crystal, sometimes God takes us through a process of healing" I am not sure if that brought me comfort or frustration at that time; I just wanted it to end, but she was right. I gradually began to speak more clearly, walk on my own, and my fear began to subside.  Just days before little Zach came home I was able to prepare his room, cook a meal, walk, and drive.  I received a second scan that showed all of the swelling on my brain was gone.  I had been healed through a process that taught me the value of relationships and surrendering my fear to the Lord day by day. I had truly learned to trust the Lord in a way I could never have known without this experience.

I have recalled the words of my friend so many times in other areas of  my life. It is not just physical healing that can be a process, but wounds that are emotional.  They can't be ignored or rushed, hoping for it to just end. God wants us to teach us new things during the process. Will you allow God to take you through the process of things you long to be healed?  It is through your time with Him He will work in and through you.

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything(James 1:4).

Reflection Questions:

1. Has there been a past or present event, maybe unexpected, that left you hurt and fearful of the future?

2. What is your reaction to knowing healing may be a long process? 

3. Is there an area of your life that needs to be healed so that you may move to the next step of Identity in the Created Woman steps to living your purpose?


CREATED WOMAN AGUST LINE UP: HEALING/SELF-CARE

Self-care is not selfish! 

Self-care most often requires us to take steps towards understanding our hurts, disappointments, griefs, or life transitions. It’s not selfish, it’s a necessity. For you and the ones who are around you. 

August theme is all about self-care. Yes, it might actually be called ‘Healing’ but aren’t they the same?

We believe we cannot be our best self unless we embrace the beauty of God’s healing power. By walking through and in His grace, we experience healing, strength, peace and restoration ultimately bringing life to others in our family and community.

Don’t walk alone, your tribe is right here and we want to walk beside you.

Isaiah 43:2 (NIV):When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.


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Gather with your friends on the patio of Anderson Terrace Event Venue and cool down with a summer spritzer. We'll enjoy Faith + Fashion + Friends + Free


Podcasts

  • August 13th, Marcie Elliott-Smith, Dreams never die Pt. 3

  • August 27th, Stacy McVane, Hustle To Healing


Weekly Devotionals every Monday & Wednesday:

- Heal Yo' Self Before You Wreck Yo' Self
- Untangling Hurts & Losses
- Raise A Hallelujah
- The Fine Art Of Healing Slowly
- Girls Gone Loose
- The Overwhelming Fear I thought Would Never End
- Sick & Tired Of Being Sick & Tired