Ebony Scrooge. Yep, that should have been my name during the Holiday season of 2010. To say that I was frustrated with my marital status would have been an understatement of epic proportion. In my mind Christmas didn’t measure up because I didn’t have someone to share it with, besides that’s the true meaning of Christmas right? (Note the sarcasm). In addition, the thought of entering 2011 alone was terrifying. I had recently acknowledged my 6year anniversary of singleness and to make matters worse, I had no real “potentials” only a few guys I had been stringing along just in case I ever worked up the nerve to actually settle for one of them…sad, I know. It was during this time last year that my number one pet-peeve became receiving dating advise & tips on “how to wait on the Lord” from people who were seriously dating, engaged, or married. For years I had embraced their encouragement but for some reason it became extremely hard to receive from people who were going home to triceps & biceps… easy for them to say. To be honest, getting sound Godly counsel in the area of dating/relationships simply did not make it on the list of activities for my year long pity party!
Here we are on the cusp of 2012, and I am no longer single! I’m in a serious dating relationship with an amazing guy and of course my perspective on all things pertaining to dating/relationships has changed. I must admit that I often times feel like a bit of a sellout while going through this transition because I have officially become my former pet-peeve. I’m now the girl in the serious relationship giving other girls dating advice and tips on “how to wait on the Lord”. I realize now that they were only trying to warn me LOL! They knew that I, like many of you, had romanticized what it meant to be in a relationship. When you’re single you mostly think about the cute dates, changing your FB profile to in a relationship (maybe that was just me), cuddling & flowers just because. Very rarely do you think about the responsibility of it all.
Below are a few things that were consistently shared with me while I was waiting:
- “Enjoy your single season…” - translation: Once you enter into a relationship it is no longer about you. You trade “me” for “us” and what “you” want for what’s best for the two of you. Enough of this will eventually drive you to want to be single again!
- “Relationships are hard work…”- Translation: You have no clue what you’re in for *evil laugh* the effort and time that it takes to be a good steward over your relationship can often times overwhelm you!
- Don’t settle…” – Translation: The most amazing guy in the world will get on your LAST nerve at some point in the relationship. It’s so much easier to work through things when you actually love him, are attracted to him, and respect his character!
It wasn’t until I was actually in the relationship that I began to embrace the things that people shared with me toward the end of my “single season”---that doesn’t have to be you! I would like to challenge all of my single sisters in Christ to change your perspective NOW, before God sends the guy. Don’t make the mistake that I made and waste valuable time complaining. I challenge you to have a FABULOUS 2012 whether you’re in a relationship or not; besides you never know what the New Year may bring *winks*.
Guest Contributor, Tamra Cobbins - Tamra is a native of Kansas City, Kansas and is a graduate of the University of Texas. She is passionate about seeing young women reach their full potential in Christ in every season, especially while they are single. She enjoys shopping, Chick-Fil-A & watching Martin re-runs.