What was it all for?

It’s the 2nd week of 2016 and I’m already behind! The running list I made on my phone over the Christmas holidays already has me burying my head under the covers. The excitement to accomplish everything on my list the first day “back to work” has diminished and I find myself longing for January 2015 when God put my life on Pause.

It was a simple, hard, sad, refreshing and wonderful time of bonding with my new 1-month old baby. It was just I and her, my baby Hope, sitting in a dark bedroom with just one lamp on so she could sleep and my worship music playing as I sat wondering, “What has it all been for?”

You see God had put me on a hard pause at the end of 2014 that lasted until the end of February 2015. No more Created Woman photo shoots, events, and blogs. No more, just no more. It was if all the hard work we had been doing for the past four years was slipping through my finders. To the very dream God had put in me He suddenly said, “Stop, just wait a minute.”

Three months might seem like a short time, but for the dreamer and doer like me, it was as if life had come to an end. But now, with life back to the busyness of dance practice, work, school, helping women, being a wife and writing, I long for the days when all I had to do was hold my baby and sit in the quiet. Praying. Reading. Snuggling with Hope in bed – God I miss that! Now, she squirms until she gets in her own bed (frown face). Wondering what the Pause was all about? What was I suppose to learn? Who was I suppose to be, now?

After a year of perspective, I’ve come full circle and have seen the Why and what is was all for. Can I share it with you? I guess if you are still reading, I can!

What I learned:

  • Time goes by fast! It’s true that we have but one life to live and one race to run. We can’t get behind and we can’t run ahead of what God is calling us to do. Sometimes a pause is all we need to re-focus. Sometimes we don’t even know we need a pause and sometimes we long for the pause because time goes by fast and eternity is near.
  • Tame the to-do list: A book that I picked up by Glynnis Witwer called, “Taming the to do list: How to Choose Your Best Work Every Day” solidified that I had run ahead and picked up too many things. I had to re-learn how to put things down. God has called me to equip and empower women to be who they are created to be through writing and speaking and this little foundation called Created Woman. But I was caught up in the busyness because I’m good at the details. I’m good at getting things done and instead of running in my lane and allowing others to help me with the dream, I did things on my own. Because, who can do it better, right? (Insert chuckle here).
  • Intentional “Yes”: The summer of 2015 was the first time the word “Intentional” sprung it’s little head up. My 4-year-old goes to school three days a week all year so we are not used to a summer break yet. But with tons of summer fun to be had, I wanted to be intentional about my little girl having a fun summer. So I started saying “yes” to water days in the back yard and cupcakes in the middle of the day. I was intentional about building summer memories.

Then in the fall, the word intentional came back to haunt me. With all of my efforts to equip and empower women to be who they are created to be, I realized by the wise word of my business coach that I had not been an intentional leader to the women on my team. I had neglected the CW family and not been intentional about praying with them, leading, empowering the women who were around me. Instead, I had become afraid to ask for help worried I wouldn’t honor their time. I had to realize it’s not one or the other but it’s both. Those who are called to the vision desire more. Don’t be afraid to ask! It’s not about me after all.

So those are just a few things of what I learned and I’m sure you’ll hear more about them, as one of the intentional things I will do this year is be more transparent with you. But for now, I'll leave you with this one thought:

Before you get busy with 2016 and start checking off your list, take a moment to reflect on what 2015 was all for. There might be a lot of pain, lots of laughs and even some questions. But it was for something.

Do you know yet? What was your 2015 all for?